Today marks a year to the day since Junior and Mini ESLT joined the team. A whole 366 days (2020 is a leap year don’t forget) since our lives were changed forever. A lot has happened in the past 12 months, yet the day they moved in feels like yesterday. Our journey was a pretty straight forward one. We decided to adopt, we went through the two stages of the adoption process, we were approved, two weeks later we were officially matched, one month later the girls moved in. Reading and listening to other people’s adoption stories, we will be the first to admit, it seems we had a smooth journey. Even though it didn’t feel like it at the time.
The adoption process was intense, 12 months of our lives were consumed by worry, but as soon as we welcomed the girls into our home and they completed our family, we knew every second of what we went through was worth it. Regardless of how a child comes into your life, they change you and your ‘normal’ forever. Which we were prepared for and now we have a new ‘normal’, we couldn’t be happier. As with any child, some days can be bad. Some days will have you ripping your hair out, screaming into a pillow or sobbing in the shower but, and again we have been lucky, our girls are quite easy to parent, so far.
Pre Adoption Information
When it comes to adoption you are given as much information as possible about the child or children up for adoption. At least in the UK, you are. Thorough medicals are carried out to ensure that any needs they have are picked up. This includes genetic markers tests. These may indicate that the child will have an additional need or need further assistance later in life. Therefore you are made as fully aware as possible. This helps you to make the decision as to whether you are able and equipped (physically and mentally) to provide what they need now and in the future. Many do have additional needs, so the decision to adopt them can be a difficult one.
Our children came to us with minor health issues. Basically, everyday ailments that many children deal with on a daily basis. However, following routine checkups at the Drs and regular appointments with the relevant specialists at the hospital, it seems that they were ALL (barring one which can be rectified through a routine procedure) environmental. Therefore, we now have two incredibly fit and healthy children, who have changed (and grown) so much in a year people who knew them in their chaotic pre foster and adoption life would not recognise them. They have blossomed and are happy simply because they have been given the chance to be.
Adoptions Do Breakdown
This is not always the case. It is often the part they skip over during the training sessions and meetings with the social worker. Not all adoptions work and some breakdown. It’s hard for me to comment on that as it is not something that we have ever been close to, even on the hardest days. We have never really been pushed to our limits by our children. Whereas I imagine some children do find it hard to settle and do have additional needs which make things seem difficult, often even terrible. However, and this is a big thing for me unless there is a danger posed to the child or the family, how could anyone simply give them back like an unwanted or unruly puppy?
There has been a lot of press surrounding blogger Myka Stauffer and the fact she has ‘given up’ her adoptive son Huxley after two years. There is speculation that this is because of his recently diagnosed autism. Myka refuses to disclose the full details of why the adoption broke down to protect the child, and in reality, that is her prerogative. However, she does have 3 biological children, if one of them received a health diagnosis what would she do then? Mr ESLT and I thoroughly love our girls and we are positive that if needs where identified in the future there is absolutely no way we could simply disregard them because life suddenly got harder for us.
A Year In
We made the application to the courts to formally adopt the children following the necessary 10-week wait, that was back on August 2019. Following a tense time, the adoption order for both girls was granted mid-January 2020. It was a monumental day for us as it meant that the children are officially ours and we have full parental responsibility for them. The same way a parent of a biological child does. It also meant that they could officially take our surname, and we get copies of their adoption certificates and in turn, apply for passports (Hallelujah), although Covid-19 has meant we have had to put a hold on that as travel is out of the question.
We quickly realised that our house was not big enough for a family of four. Therefore, the hunt for a new ESLT Towers commenced. Luckily, it didn’t take too long to find the perfect family home and somewhere that we cannot foresee us growing out of. Our old house had the garden the size of a postage stamp whereas our new one has a lovely big garden which was the main driving factor when we decided to push on with completion during the height of lockdown. The move was tough because of restrictions but we did it and have enjoyed the past seven weeks settling in and making it our home. We were worried the girls would struggle with the upheaval but we needn’t have.
Back To ‘Normal’
This week I have returned to work after a year’s adoption leave. Normally this would see me leave the house at 8ish and not get home until 6ish pre-adoption. Obviously Mr ESLT and I had talked about amending my working hours, breakfast and after school, clubs to incorporate drop-offs and pick-ups on the days that he works. However, Covid-19 has meant that we do not need to implement that yet. The likelihood is that I will be working from home for the foreseeable future. This is not a problem as I am able to do so, my main worry is occupying the kids while Mr ESLT is at work and I have to concentrate/take part in teleconferences etc. I guess it will be trial and error for a while.
Because of the move we have also had to move the kid’s school and nursery. Normally this would have been straight forward, however again because of Covid-19, this was not as easy as first thought. We put an application in for our preferred school for Junior ESLT, you are supposed to put your top three but we thought we’d just stick a cheeky application in for our favourite. However, it is not our catchment school. It is also the best school in the area and oversubscribed. However, because she is adopted the school has to have a VERY good reason why she can’t attend even if oversubscribed. Luckily we got the call this week that she had been accepted commencing September 2020.
Nurseries in our area are still prioritizing key worker children, which means we could get Mini ESLT a place. However, if Junior ESLT is not starting school until September, I may as well have them both at home with me until then. Plus and I know this is a contentious issue, I would rather have them at home. If I am not expected back into the office how could I justify sending the kids to school and nursery? I completely understand that some people have to send them. If we were in the same position we would too. I also understand that some children need an educational setting for their mental health. This is an each to their own situation and no one has the right to judge others.
The Next 12 Months
Who really knows, eh? Who could have foreseen the pandemic? However, if the world returns to some sort of normal we have a lot of plans. We want to see (and hug) friends and family, that’s our number one priority at the moment. We want the kids to have those interactions with loved ones. It’s been nearly 12 weeks since they have seen one set of grandparents and nearly 7 months since they have seen the other set as we have not been able to visit them in Cardiff. We want to travel. Even if it’s a cheeky weekend in the Yorkshire Dales or the Lake District. We do have Disneyland Paris booked for the beginning of September, but that’s still very much up in the air?
We have decided that next year, international travel permitting, we will be heading to Walt Disney World in Spring. The kids couldn’t travel last year because they did not have passports and are unlikely to travel this year because of Covid-19, therefore next year we are going all out. Having visited Walt Disney World a couple of times when I was a kid, the memories will stay with me forever and we want that for our children, especially because of their chaotic start in life and recent world events. Plus I really want to see the main mouse again too. We are keeping our fingers firmly crossed that we can jump on a plane and have a great time without health fears.
Are You Thinking About Adopting?
If you are thinking about adopting and have any questions, please do not hesitate to get in touch. We are of course not experts, but we have been through it and can let you know about our journey in more depth.
We can categorically say it is the best thing we have ever done. After years of wondering if we would ever have a family of our own, we are so grateful to be able to say we do and it is everything we had ever dreamed of.
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