As with all new members of any team, a probationary period is essential. Both parties need to ensure that the position is the right fit for them. Adoption is no different. We welcomed our new team members (Junior ESLT and Mini ESLT) back in June 2019. It was an initial shock to the system for all of us. Doubling the team in one day was something we had always dreamed about, yet didn’t think we would be in a position to do. However once things calmed down, we settled into a nice routine. Therefore, Mr ESLT and I can now confirm that the new team members have completed their probationary period. They are now fully-fledged, full-time members of the team……legally!
Junior and Mini ESLT are now legally adopted and can now use our surname, officially! When you adopt a child, they can be ‘known as’ your surname at school, nursery etc. However, any legal or medical letters will always arrive with their birth name on them. The adoption order thas now been granted and it is now winging its way to the General Registry Office for the adoption to officially be recorded. We can then order copies of the brand spanking new adoption certificates. These supersede the kid’s original birth certificates. As soon as we receive the adoption certificates we can then, finally, apply for passports!
Applying For Passports
We are ready for a holiday.
We completely understand our travels will never be the same again. No last-minute weekend breaks to some random European city. No long term far-flung adventures with an intense itinerary. And certainly, no more two-week relaxing beach breaks lapping up the sun and enjoying mid-afternoon cocktails.
And we are fine with that.
As with every other aspect of our lives, travel will be different and everywhere we go and everything we do will be for the kids. That means short flights, theme parks and family-friendly holiday resorts – at least for the next few years. When the kids are older and have their own wants from our travels then our trips will change again, but we’re not in a rush. They are little and we want to let them be little.
With a family holiday booked and a press trip confirmed we are eager to apply and receive the girl’s passports as soon as possible.
What We Have Learnt
The main thing we have learnt is that being a parent is frigging hard!
To go from living pretty carefree lives to having two little humans being reliant on you 100% of the time was tough. We had pretty much always done what we wanted when we wanted to and that ceased instantly. When you have a baby, the baby is obviously a baby, therefore you build up to having a toddler and a small schoolie and your life changes and evolves with them. Ours changed instantly.
We are lucky that our kids eat and sleep and are relatively well behaved (most of the time!), they also do not have any medical issues which is rare when it comes to adopted children. There may be long term psychological issues that could come to light in the future but for now, they are loving life and so are we.
That’s not to say there haven’t been times when we genuinely didn’t think we could do it. When the feelings of doubt and insecurity have been so overwhelming and tears and tantrums have ensued (ours obviously, not the kids). But then we remind ourselves that every single parent, regardless of how they have become a parent, has these thoughts sometimes.
It’s Not About Us
We are adults. We can control and regulate our feelings. Our children (more than other children of their age because of their background) can not. Their little lives have been chaotic, to say the least. From birth parents to foster carers to us, they now need stability and routine and that is what we are giving them together with love, attention and affection by the bucket load. Kids should always feel safe without asking. Junior ESLT actually asks us to keep her safe (albeit less than she used to) but every time she does it breaks my heart that she didn’t feel safe previously.
Whatever emotion we are feeling we have to remember that it’s not about us, it’s about them and whatever they are feeling is probably amplified 10 fold. We have to make allowances for that even when they are pushing boundaries (which Junior ESLT is constantly doing). The meltdowns and frustrated outbursts are what we expected and are more than capable of dealing with. They are babies and ones who have been through more than most adults we know.
If you ever want a light-hearted view into the world of adoption and adopted children watch the Mark Whalberg film Instant Family. It came out as we were going through the adoption process. Therefore, there was no way on earth we were willing to watch it then. We have since watched it. Vicky cried (a mixture of happy/sad and grateful tears) all the way through it. All the while relating to everything the main characters were going through.
The Future
The future is now. This is now our new normal. The past 12 – 18 months is now a blur. The emotional rollercoaster of epic highs and shattering lows has been more than worth it. It feels like the children have been with us forever. We are a family and a very happy one at that.
So what next?
New House
We are actually in the process of buying a new house. We love our current house but it is not, we realised quickly, particularly child-friendly. As we had our kitchen extended last year, our garden is now almost none existent. Not ideal when you have two balls of energy on your hands.
Therefore, our new house has everything we want and could possibly ever need. The kids will have a dedicated playroom to keep all their toys in and a garden not only big enough to house their own park but also a cheeky little corner prime for a hot tub for mummy and daddy too. There are still a couple of hurdles to jump over but fingers crossed everything goes to plan and we’ll be moving to the new ESLT HQ by Easter.
Back To Work
Even though Vicky has been on a couple of press trips and blogging has continued, when the children came to live with us, she took a year off from the day job. That means that she has (barring around 6 days) been there for every morning routine, school/nursery run, tea time, bath and bedtime story since the girls moved in. At the beginning of June, she is going back to work full time. That means somethings are going to have to change.
Luckily Mr ESLT works on a set rota of 10 days on 8 days off. Therefore he gets to see his children a lot more than some parents do. It also means that even when Vicky goes back to work, he will be there so the kid’s routine will not change at all.
Thinking of Adoption?
So for us, we are at the end of our adoption journey – we got our happy ending.
Maybe you are considering adoption? If so, and if you have any questions please do not hesitate to ask. We don’t have all the answers as every case and every child is different but we know the process and we’ve actually been through it. It is tough but so rewarding and without doubt, the best thing we have ever done.
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