Team ESLT – Position Filled!

What a year!

On the 1st of May last year we met with our social worker for the first time to discuss the possibility of adopting a child.

Who would have thought things would be as wonderful as they are today back then. But then we guess that proves the age-old saying ‘things get worse before they get better’.

Because yesterday was one of the best days of our lives. Yesterday we went to Matching Panel.

If you have been following along on our journey, you’ll know we specified (urgh, really don’t like saying that) a little girl under two – our very own Mini ESLT.

Well, yesterday our dreams came true and we were matched with Mini ESLT!

And here’s the surprise…….Mini ESLT will by joining our team along with her big sister – Junior ESLT.

Yep – two bubbly beautiful girls – our girls – will be coming to live with us in less than 4 weeks.

But you were only approved to adopt 3 weeks ago

Again if you have been following our journey you may be thinking ‘eh? they only got approved as adoptors three weeks ago’ and that’s true, we were.

So we guess now is the time to come clean – we’ve got a confession.

Normally the process goes like this: application – assessment – approval – search (which can take any time from between 6 months and forever) – match – move in.

If you’ve ever gone through the adoption process that sequence of events will sound familiar.

However, for us, we did things in a slightly different order. Because of this, our girls have been on our radar since the beginning of the year.

During our Stage 2 assessment back in January, our Social Worker mentioned the girls had only just come into the system. As we were nowhere near being approved we simply dismissed them as even being an option for us. However, week after week our Social Worker dropped them into the conversation and during our last assessment session, two days before we flew to Dubai back in February, she gave us their profiles and reports to read (amongst others) but did not initially tell us they were the girls’ profiles.

OUR Girls

We instantly knew. We knew that the two little darlings we were reading about were going to be our daughters. Of course, their back story isn’t great, they are in the care system after all. But we could empathise with it and felt that it was one we can tell them in the future. We read and re-read their profiles, falling a little bit more in love with them every time. The strangest part – we’d not even seen a photograph of them. We genuinely did not know what they even looked like, yet knew they were the ones.

Our Social Worker then told us they were the girls’ profiles (although Mr ESLT had called it straight away) and told us to sleep on it. Sleep? No – we talked, we laughed, we panicked, we planned – we KNEW. The next morning we text our Social Worker explaining we were interested, yet worried that we had not been approved yet. She told us not to worry, the timings would work out if we wanted them too. And then she sent some photographs. Our hearts melted. There was no going back, we were in love. Needless to say, every conversation we had in Dubai was dominated by the girls.

Wishing The Time Away

We got home and went into crazy mode. We pulled up carpets, we painted walls, we ordered cots/beds, furniture, toys, dolls, books etc. Personalised things were ordered – cushions, teddies etc knowing our hearts would break if we weren’t approved either as adoptors or as a match, but were unable to stop ourselves. We wanted everything to be perfect and give them everything they could possibly need or even want. With the smell of paint still lingering, their room was finished (it was advised that they share, at least for the time being) and we shut the door. We’ve only opened it 6 billion times since to a) admire our handy work and b) to imagine two little faces fast asleep in there or playing on the floor. It’s been like that for 6 weeks.

The days have dragged. 6 weeks of nothing. Then we were approved as adopters and since then things have been non-stop, yet absolutely wonderful. We’ve had a Life Appreciation Day for the girls. This is standard when adopting. Basically, everyone who has ever had a positive impact on the child or children’s lives come together to discuss them and gives the adopters (us in this case) the opportunity to ask questions about them. Therefore, we spent 6 hours learning all about our children from the Social Workers, school, nursery, health visitors, doctor, foster carers etc, smiling the whole way through it. They sounded cheeky, intelligent, loving and uber special proving how strong and resilient little ones can be even when they’ve been through things even we as adults cannot really comprehend.

And then we met them….

Following the Life Appreciation Day and without a shadow of doubt in our mind we met them. These two characters we had read and heard so much about were there in front of us and just as beautiful and wonderful as we could have ever imagined. These initial meetings are called ‘bump intos’. They are designed to look like we are friends of the foster carers who just happen to be there. We expected them to hide behind their foster carers legs and not want to engage with us. But that was not the case. They are full of energy, questions (the older one of course) and life.

We’ve met them three times now and have built up a great basis for our future as a family. We have two very cuddly, lively, smart, inquisitive little girls who we cannot wait to welcome into our home and into our lives. We just hope we can be the mummy and daddy they deserve. As our dream is becoming our reality we can now start to breathe again. For a year, we’ve held our breath, just waiting for something to go wrong but yesterday was the final hurdle albeit not the easiest one to get over.

Matching Panel

Throughout the process, we’ve repeatedly been told things are a formality for us. Which for some people would help them relax. For us, it added pressure. Because of timings, we had to go to a different area to attend a Matching Panel. One that our Social Worker had only visited once before. Yet still the reassuring statements of ‘don’t worry’, ‘you’ve got this’ and ‘this is a perfect match’ were free-flowing. Then we entered the room and the smiley, happy, encouraging faces that we had experienced at Approval Panel were replaced by stern, accusatory and some even confused faces. The atmosphere was not great which did not ease the nerves we were already battling.

But we answered the questions fired at us based on the training we have undertaken and of course our feelings. We obviously impressed the panel as they unanimously agreed that the match was right and that we could meet the needs of the children and have a happy family life (PHEW!!!). Our Social Worker couldn’t believe the way the panel went and said she had never experienced a group like them before and that’s not normally how Matching Panel goes. She was almost apologetic that they had been like that (for no reason) with us. It was tough but we are tougher and now we have a bright new future to look forward to…..we cannot wait!

Next Steps

We have a couple more ‘bump intos’ planned with the girls, then a final planning meeting and then introductions. We will spend eight days solidly with the girls. The first four days at the foster carers house, then the next four days at ours, getting them used to their new surroundings and hopefully transferring their attachment from the foster carers to us. Then that’s it……our daughters will come to their forever home.

The settling in process may not be easy, the next few days, weeks, months even years after that may not. These girls have been put through the mill. They have known nothing but chaos. We aim to give them a settled and secure base where there will not be raised voices or angry faces. They will not have to worry about where their next meal or cuddle is coming from. We will read to and play with them. We will encourage, support and praise them. They will be bathed daily and kissed goodnight. And most importantly they will have a mummy and daddy who wanted them, fought for them and love them unconditionally.