Team ESLT Are Looking For New Members

Apologies in advance if you clicked on this post in the hope that we’re looking for new writers/guest submissions etc for the blog. We’re not, sorry!

Yesterday something wonderful happened.

Yesterday we were approved to become adoptive parents….YES! 

If you have followed our adoption journey from the beginning and along the twisty turny road, you’ll know it has been an emotional 12 months. From the initial information evening, we attended last April until yesterday, the whirlwind that we’ve been caught up in has been intense, to say the least.

Stage 2 – Completed It!

We started Stage 2 back in mid-January. No amount of online research or book reading could’ve prepared us for what was to come. Our social worker – remember the one who I thought hated us because she never got in touch? Well, she became our best friend. We’ve seen her so often in the past 4 months. Even now, some mornings I expect to walk into the kitchen and see her sitting at the table, coffee in hand, ready for another in-depth session. The hours of talking and filling in paperwork were tiring and it constantly felt like we were riding on a rollercoaster of emotions. To the point where we were both falling asleep at 8 pm daily, crying at the most random of things and even bickering about stupid insignificant things. 

Delving back into our childhood memories was interesting – talking about our parents and how they parented us could affect the way we parent our children. Also talking about the loss of family members and strained relationships with others along with many other things was simply exhausting. Luckily for Mr ESLT and I, we both had great childhoods. However, I imagine for those who didn’t it could be an extra tough thing to relive and possibly even a trigger. But a necessity if you want to adopt.

ALL The Training Courses

We’ve been on a million and one (at least that what it feels like) training courses. We are now fully qualified paediatric first aiders, we know how to cope with older children and siblings, we understand the benefits of therapeutic parenting and the need for us to develop a secure base. We’ve embraced every opportunity to learn, in the hope, it will help us when Mini ESLT is placed with us and in the long term.

It’s a fact that the majority of children in the care system are there following a period of/or the potential of abuse and/or neglect. Depending on their age, some of the children may have more recollection of their life before adoption than others. Therefore, we need to be prepared for a number of possibilities including ‘bad’ behaviour, regression, self-harm, questions etc. 

We’ve been asked so many times ‘are you sick of all the training courses?’ or told ‘bloody hell why are you two having to do that, you’ll be great parents’. And yes even though we can think of a million and one other things we’d rather do on a Saturday or during the evening than attend a training session, we can fully see the benefit they have. We appreciate all of the knowledge we have gleaned from undertaking them. We want to be equipped to look after our child. That includes helping soften the trauma of their transition from their old life to their new one with us. Together with any delayed trauma, they may face in the future. 

The Adoption Approval Panel

We were told from the outset of Stage 2 that our panel date was 16th April 2019. A normal day for most. A bittersweet one for us. Vicky’s mum passed away on the 16th April 2007 from ovarian cancer, aged just 46. Therefore, the date has always been one of recollection and remembrance, done personally without fuss. From the outset of our journey with our social worker, she had always told us she believed in fate. Therefore, the date – the 16th April – seemed perfect and from now on a date, we can look back on fondly.

As the date of the adoption approval panel neared, sheer panic set in – what should we wear? what would they ask us? The night before we didn’t sleep a wink. Yesterday morning, we stirred our bowl of porridge absent-mindedly without eating a bite. We walked in silence and we definitely sweated a bit. We were called into the room and then it all became a blur. A sea of friendly faces introduced themselves and then fired questions at us. We answered them and that was it – our fate and our future were in the hands of 12 complete strangers who only knew us from the report about us that our social worker had submitted, the photo on the front of it and a brief (around 20 mins) Q&A session. 

We were asked to leave the room whilst they deliberated. Thankfully it took them less than 5 minutes to give us the good news – we had been approved!!! We were speechless (which is a rarity), yet ecstatic and we could finally breathe a sigh of relief. Everything suddenly became worth it – the form filling, the tears, the arguments, the sleepless nights etc – we’d done it! We’d finally done it!

What Happens Next?

Well, it will take 2 weeks to have our approval rubberstamped, which we have been assured is a formality. Then it’s full steam ahead and we cannot wait to welcome a new team member (or two!) Fingers crossed it won’t take long.

Thank you to everyone who has followed our journey so far and sent messages of good luck. It means the world to us – you’re the best 🙂 We will obviously update as soon as possible!!!!