Families don’t have to see eye-to-eye on everything to be close and love one another. That’s just the way life goes. But it is true that being candid, open, and welcoming, from both sides, is essential to a fruitful relationship.
The world has changed so much in a short time. Show a modern smartphone today to someone from 1980, and they would think you hacked your way into the Tron universe and returned with an impossible gadget. Incredibly, the first country to legalize gay marriage was the Netherlands in 2001! That’s only twenty-three (soon to be twenty-four) years ago! In England and France, it was 2013!
For this reason, it’s fair to say that our grandparents or elder relatives grew up in a pretty different world to the one we occupy today. That doesn’t mean they’re unaware of today’s modern novelties, but they may have a little difficulty understanding them.
For instance, if you’re experimenting with an alternative style to look cool, and decided to check out the dimple piercing, they may not understand it to begin with. But a heartfelt explanation (though not justification – keep that in mind) can ideally help you build bonds and help them learn.
Let’s discuss what that might look like:
Share Your Love & Passion
It’s good to share why you found this particular habit or practice and why you love it. For example, if you love alternative styles, you might showcase the variety of garments you love, what they’re inspired by, and how.
Gothic styling for example isn’t just a “dramatic and theatrical dark look,” it has real inspiration from history, and can be found in more than just clothes and music, from architecture to art to the dark themes of classical literature. Exploring that with them and why you enjoy dressing this way could help them understand more easily. That in itself is a heartfelt sharing of love, and it’s hard for them to dismiss you out of hand that way.
Discuss How Standards Have Changed
It’s fine to talk about how standards have changed now. For instance, if they mention that they’re not on board with a new form of social understanding, don’t just judge them, talk to them about it, and find out why they think that. Then you can talk about why you think the way you do.
For instance, if your loved one has recently lived their truth through sexuality or another means, then you can discuss why this is empowering or healthy, or how it’s not hurting anyone at all. You can give context to why you think that way. Your elderly relative may have more of a chance to be open-minded if they’re shown the logic of the situation and reassured. Perhaps no one has ever done that with them, but of course, don’t speak as if they’re unintelligent. You can easily change minds with empathy, at least to a point!
Invite Them To Experience First Hand
Inviting them along to an experience you love and want to share can help you present it with warmth in person, should they be open-minded enough to attend. For example, perhaps you’re involved in the drag scene and want to show a family-friendly show to them. This will allow them to see the cheeky humour and incredible outfits the performers wear. It might put them out of their comfort zone initially, but you’d be surprised how much someone can open up when they’re welcomed into a new space with appreciation and allow themselves to have a little fun.
With this advice, you’ll be certain to discuss your personal life and style choices to an older relative who may not get it yet. Good luck!
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